How I survived my father’s defilement


“Having survived my father’s defilement, I know surviving a father’s defilement is one of the most painful experiences a daughter can go through. Most of us ladies love our fathers (biological fathers) so much.

I couldn’t imagine, but it happened

Defilement by a father is one of the things we could least imagine but it can happen. I never imagined it could happen to me, until the day my biological father confirmed it can happen.

The memory is still fresh

The memory is still fresh in my mind as though it happened yesterday. The weekend seemed an entire year to me, but somehow I was happy it was over. I drove to campus, as my custom was to attend my favorite morning lecture on History of Economics.

The face on stage was strange. I saw the dilation in the eyes of my friends as they waited in anxiety to listen to what the man had to say. Studying in a prestigious institution it is not a surprise to see strange faces in lectures. What took me by storm was the introduction on the study of the day. Unlike the usual flow of lectures, this man gave us a 15 minutes introduction addressing a subject unrelated to our study.

Listening to a stranger

I listened to every word, and for a moment, I felt he was speaking to me. I thought he knew everything about me. Perhaps somebody had hinted him, but who? Throughout the lecture, I thought about the introduction. It carried away my mind and seemed like a whole lecture in itself. I barely remembered anything he taught other than his introductory remarks. The three hours lecture seemed like 15 minutes unlike other days when it was like a whole day.

As he exited the hall, I could not help but hurry up and give him a special message. Yes a special message to a stranger. Fortunately, I was able to catch up with him by the parking lot. After a casual greeting, I expressed my thoughts and shared my story with him.

How did it happen?

‘My (biological) father lured me into sex life when I was in the 8th grade. He let me know the much he loved me and promised me a good life. I credit him for bringing me to such a prestigious institution of higher learning, buying me a good car and a house. What began as a one moment experience transformed into a custom. He simply destroyed me.

Betrayed by mother

I spoke to my mother about it repeatedly with her telling me that since my father is a prominent man, it will not be in order to expose him or seek external help. I do not see the meaning of life. Money cannot buy happiness.

Difficult forming relationships

I cannot be in a sound relationship like my friends. I am lost and I feel the world does not have a place for me. This is my last lecture. I heard you speak and though a stranger I thought I should let you know before I take my life.’

All this time this man was listening. I can only compare his attention to the one a commercial pilot gave a plane I once boarded when the engine seemingly failed. He asked me to give him one hour of my last moments on earth.

I resisted, he bent a bit and instead asked for only thirty minutes. I thought for a while then granted his request, after all this could mark my last talk. We had spoken for over 1 hour 45 minutes when I found myself in tears. At this moment, time was no longer a constraint.

Taking him to my car, I opened the booth and showed him a new roll of barbed wire with which I had planned to take my life. I found a new meaning about life. I saw hope beyond the engulfing, cold arms of despair.

A new lesson, a new me

Once again, I believed in the brightness my dimming candle. Since then, it has grown brighter and brighter. I believe I have a destiny. It’s my hope that one day I will restore the broken heart of somebody, a stranger or maybe  somebody I know.

I had always lightly regarded strangers, but I now know the value of the unknown. The road to overcoming was not an easy one. I learnt there is a Jesus who gives happiness. Yes, I could not see him, but I believed and my life is not the same again. I had been to church just as a formality, but now I know my redeemer lives.

Overcoming was not easy, but I trusted in this Jesus that this man introduced to me. I am free from the bondage of a father’s defilement. I am happily married, the past is gone and though the scars remain, I live with the hope that Jesus is my Savior.


I do not know the defilement in your life, but all I can tell you is that there is a Jesus. You may not know where to start , I did not have a hint either but just pray and ask him for help. I am sure, he will help you as he did to me. He will make a way for you where there seems to be no way. You have a value; do not give up on life. Surviving a father’s defilement is not easy, but it is possible. I survived my father’s defilement, you can also survive.”

Yours Sincerely,
My Story | Adventist Bloggers
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